12 Rules for Substack
Given my immense success in the world of substack, it’s understandable that I receive many dozens of messages by aspiring stackers asking for advice. Instead of answering all of these hundreds of individuals, I have decided to write a simple list so that all of the thousands of people who have sought my counsel can find some help on their journey to substack success. I can only hope that each of the millions who have sought my advice find this useful and are able to emulate, in however small and insignificant a way, my, if I may say so, immense success in shaping the discourse of the world.
Always have at least one beer (or equivalent) before you start.
Always have at least one beer to sip as you write
Never plan your essay
Never edit or proof check your essay
Never spend more than one afternoon on an essay
Never do any research
Maintain an inconsistent release schedule
Make sure to choose a topic that has been extensively covered before, thereby avoiding the need to say anything new or original
Remember, your readers are incredibly stupid so you need to labour your jokes to make sure they get them
Remember, your readers are incredibly smart, so you don’t need to explain anything fully
2 half jobs are better than one full job, so make sure to prioritise quantity over quality
1 half job is better than 2 full jobs, so make sure to prioritise lack or quantity over quality